ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR GETS BETTER RESULTS
There was a time that I mistakenly thought that the only way to communicate my point in an environment that, let’s say, wasn’t ready, prepared or wanted to hear from me, was to be aggressive.
That’s what I saw modeled to me and around me.
Raising one’s voice in a forceful manner and at times using expletives after expletives, was the way to get heard. At least that was what I thought based on what I saw as a child growing up.
Thankfully, my parents did not use profanity but they did use aggressive behavior to communicate what they thought we needed to hear and in fear, become compliant.
I must say it worked … for the most part.
At times it only worked temporarily. I know for one, I would only comply to diffuse the situation but my compliance was only for that moment; it wasn’t lasting. A behavioral change didn’t happen. I had no intention of changing because there was nothing beneficial in the long run, for me.
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR IS STRONGER
I also learned that aggression, as outlined above, was the way to show strength. This I learned at school.
I went to an all-boys school in Jamaica and I saw and experienced aggression in a raw, unadulterated, and at times physical way. The latter was better known as bullying.
This first-hand method of learning aggression and the results it produced, led me to believe that to get your point across and be listened to, was the way to do it.
What I didn’t know was that there was a better way. It was learning to use ASSERTIVENESS.
Because of how similar those two words—aggression and assertiveness—were to me at the time, I mistakenly thought they were the same. They both began with the same letter and both wanted a similar end result.
The end result is what I wanted. Assertiveness seemed weaker than aggression. I didn’t want to be weak. So even when I learned the difference, it took me some time to realize that aggression was the weaker of the two. And in most instances, didn’t get lasting results.
Am I the only one who had this concept of assertiveness so mistakenly understood? Did you know the differences from the very moment you were born? 😃
I have now learned how to used assertiveness to get better results than aggression was getting me. I also have coached countless numbers of people on how to use this powerful tool, to do the same.
SWITCHING IS SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY
It is a no-brainer once we understand the difference. But it’s not as easy to switch, especially if aggression was our go-to behavior over the years.
However, there is a simple method to make it happen. Yes, it will take practice to master, but once it’s mastered or at least become a more comfortable choice of behavior, there’s no going back.
If this is something that you are interested in being coached on or have me consult with or present to a group that you are a part of or know a group that could benefit from such, reach out to me and let me know.
In the meantime, leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts on this topic.
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