MAKING ASSUMPTIONS IS EASY
Which of these questions would you raise your hand to?
- I assume a lot
- I assume sometimes
- I assume more times than not
- I don’t assume at all and never have
If you answered D, which I don’t think you did, but just in case you did, you don’t need to read any further. You won’t benefit from what is said below. Simply have a good day while you walk around with ashes on your head in repentance of your sin. 😃
Seeing that you are still reading, it means your answer wasn’t “D” and you are numbered among those who don’t have a halo over their heads—us human beings.
Assumptions are made quite often. Sometimes we make them not even realize we have.
Unless someone brings it to our attention, we don’t even realize we are doing it or have done it.
ASSUMPTION CLUE
Here’s one of the ways we are clued in that we are assuming things; saying to someone these words, “I thought you were going to or had …”
Those first three words, “I thought you…” screams, assumption.
Whenever you hear yourself saying those words or hear someone say them, it means someone assumed something. There was an ambiguity about what was to be done.
Here’s is where it could get dicier.
ASSUMPTION LEADS TO BLAME
Once those words are uttered, the next stage is to BLAME the other person for what happened or didn’t happen. Most times the words “I thought you…” are used in a moment of disappointment, frustration, and disbelief.
Have that ever happened to you?
CASE AND POINT
On my way home from work, I often call my wife to let her know that I’m on my way. Sometimes when I call the phone rings and rings and rings.
The longer it rings, my mind goes into overdrive wondering why she isn’t answering the phone. The phone eventually goes to voicemail and I leave her a brief message but if she was to listen carefully, she could detect some frustration in my voice.
Let me hasten to say this doesn’t happen too often. As a matter of fact, if she doesn’t answer at the time, I’m okay with it. I’ll simply return to listening to an audiobook or to a podcast.
But if I really wanted to get through to her because of a decision I needed to make before I arrived home, then my frustration would be easily detected.
When she returned my call I will answer with a little terseness to my voice. I try hard to disguise my frustration.
I’ll say something to the effect that I was wondering what happened because the phone rang and rang and rang and rang and … Of course, I exaggerated to make the point…
… then she’ll tell me she was in the shower.
I now feel like a jerk.
And my voice immediately softens as I realized I allowed negative assumptions to get the better of me. I made up the story of why she wasn’t answering the phone, which was soooooo on the opposite side of the reality of why she didn’t answer.
TAME YOUR ASSUMPTIONS
What could I have done differently?
I could have asked if she is okay. I could have made up a story that gave her the benefit of the doubt… her phone died. She was in the shower. 😃 She was cooking dinner for me and her hands were occupied.
Why don’t we think of the good things?
eBecause our default thoughts are generally negative. It’s the AUTOMATIC NEGATIVE THOUGHTS in our heads. I call it the A.N.T pile in our head that need to be neutralized with ant granules—better stories.
MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO MINIMIZE ASSUMPTIONS
Asking questions for clarification is one of the most effective ways to minimize making assumptions. Work hard at not having to say “I thought you…”
If and when you do, take responsibility for not clarifying what led to the assumption. Do not blame the other person. Instead of blaming, simply say, “I should have …” Period!
Because assumptions are something that we do quite often, becoming self-aware is your greatest asset to combat this behavior.
Start today to look for the A.N.Ts that run rampant in your head and add the granules of “asking for clarification” and that of “I should have, it’s my fault.”
This will get you further ahead and keep most of your relationships intact. I say most because there might be other issues at play.
If this is an area that you need help in, let me know. There are other tools and strategies that I use to help my clients and it’s also a part of some of the presentations that I give to groups. If you know of a group that could use my service, please let me know. You can see some short videos of me speaking HERE.
Remember, I’m here to help you Optimize for success! So reach out today!
If you are interested in being coached in this area or have me consult with or present to a group that you are a part of or know a group that could benefit from this kind of teaching, reach out to me and let me know.
In the meantime, leave a comment below to share your thoughts with us.
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